“Slowly Grind Away the Innocence”

She is three years old now.
I never think of myself as an aunt, but I do think of her as my favorite.
They’re back at the Living Room. For Mondays in May. And you’d think I was seeing them for the first time the way I was taking it in. Sarah & Above The Noise are now creeping up there with It May Be Late and This Is It. Powerful stuff.
That guy Chris who played with Jon back in the day was there too, randomly.
He’s starting to play in a new band. The band is nameless, he can’t describe the music, but it’s happening. And he has a pretty friend Alex who took a liking to Nikki.
When I watch her excitement, her flirtatiousness with no concept of the consequences-  I feel like I’m watching myself just a little while back.
But I’m too young to be saying stuff like that.
But it’s so true. Because I got involved with all this when I was too young. And naïve.
And that’s how I ended up on this sick-cycled carousel. And sometimes when I’m there I wish I could be invisible so I can just experience it without having to be social.
There’s a quote in Almost Famous when she says to him “you’re too sweet for Rock & Roll.” Every time I see the movie, that line gives me chills. Because she’s really talking to herself. And maybe it’s because so am I. I’m sensitive. I feel it all.
Music is not just entertainment for me.
It becomes part of me.
And usually it sets me free.
But sometimes, every once in a while it feels like a weight on my shoulders. Because it’s so unclear to me what my part in all of it is.
I wish I could go back to when I was just an innocent, anonymous, little girl, lying about my age, just to get to listen.

“…Know when to Walk, Know when to Walk Away.” But that’s just Jay singing. And I certainly have a habit of walking away, only to come crawling back.