You’re so fucking special. I wish I was special.

I’ve decided that music completely trashes sexual orientation stability. 

I also have decided that that’s a good thing. Why do we have to associate with just one label? We don’t. 

I will have my girl crushes on certain female singers proudly.

Without thinking I need to change any labels. 

I can have ‘em all. 

Washing Day

I sat in B cup cafe while rain started falling early in the morning after she had left, and got into a FB msg volley with Adam L. He was up so I drank down my Coffee #1 and met him at a cute little espresso bar a few blocks down.  It was Lester Young’s 100th birthday so the radio was playing pefect Jazz music. The macchiatos came forward presented like true art. 

We spoke about my life and my youthful energetic aspirations for myself. We spoke about love and how he waited 40 years for it, and she was taken away so soon. We spoke about connecting to the spirit and how this world isn’t all there is. We spoke about soul-mates, and soul-sisters, and friends who make this world worth living in. I wiped away two and a half tears off his cheek, and we walked out into the rain under my umbrella. He asked me how I know so much at my age. I told him that age isn’t everything. He proved that by liking my idea of devoting one room in a house to bumper cars. 

And later he wrote to me saying I’m rad. He’s radical with a capital R, a beautiful soul with a capital B, and once again I was lucky enough to move on from being in someone’s presence feeling uplifted and blessed.

Brooklyn Blurs…and Bridges over

Talk about a constelation of nights deserving to be stars. At the rate I’m going, I am so blessed that I presume my life’s constellation will take up most of the universe with all the brightness. 

Amber & I were supposed to see Edward Scissorhands in the park in Dumbo between the Manhattan & Brooklyn bridges on Thursday night. Alex joined us last minute for we time instead of me time. We got there only to realize that more than full capacity amounts of people had the same idea. Not surprising to such a gorgeous night. So we took in the wondrous sights of the water, the bridges and the lights. We waited with Berger taking photos until we were confident that his friend was OK stuck inside there without us. 

 

We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge which quickly turned into my favorite bridge (& I had just explored the Williamsburg and Manhattan bridges during the few days prior!) It was like a majestic suspension of colossal doorways surrounded by rope-like frames which reminded me of walking between larger than life harps. Twas absolutely lovely & I was thinking to myself about how life can’t get much better. 

Alex told me some sweet words which probably let lots of air into my head. But it’s always nice to hear that I’m wise for my age and that I have a good spirit and that I’m a light. And that I’m self aware. Cuz I am certainly working at it.

Happy, Hot, & Heavy, Oh My!

I have so much to catch up on!

The night after Good Mystery I was going to go see Hans & Sven at Rockwood until I realized that what Dlo was trying to send through Rosi was an invitation to the dinner party which Adam, Amber, and Alex were all going to. It was HER dinner party. So after work & a nap in the greenroom at the winery, I made my way to the loft in Soho. I purchased beer and then ran into Jenny O on the street. I was tipsy and flustered and at that moment I realized I probably have a girl-crush on her. Great. So we got some beer for her bringing together and went up together. Allie, Billy, Kristen (Ing’s Kristen), and a bunch of other people were already there. Rick Barry is someone I follow on Twitter but met in flesh and blood there. (Always fun when virtual acquaintances materialize). Amber and Adam L and Alex and the other Adam all showed up. As did Rosi and Jeremy. I was suddenly surrounded by quite a clan of talented people. Dlo is one of the most extraordinary cooks I have ever met. She made three different Tacos! My favorite was the Mole, which was kind of spicy. Yum. In between each round of Taco, there were rounds of tunes by all the talented folk. Awestruck was I, obvi. Dlo shares my admiration and blessed feeling for knowing all these musicians. She nicknamed me weeMax that night. 

Adam was planning on heading over to Rockwood when the night started winding down, and while blaming it on the bottles of beer I had consumed, I decided to share a cab with him to go say hi to J. We hung out for a bit at Marshal Stats, and then I ended up in a cab with him back to his place. We had a lovely evening and lots of open conversation. I became under the impression that we were on the same page about the kinda feelings, but not really ready for anything committed. I am also fully aware that he’s just out of a relationship & grabbing his independence as a traveling musician seriously. I am also aware of my ability to get jealous very easily from other girls even if I’m not “head over heels for him.” Such is tricky life. But we both knew it would happen eventually. Over-thinking & lots of buildup makes things hot and heavy. So I fell asleep contently feeling oh so light. 

The morning came with kisses, a mix CD (long overdue), and the light feeling extending right up to and through Jeremy’s going away rooftop (which switched to the loft from the rain) party. More amazing mexican food and beer. More great people. Dave and I had a great talk about me doing what I want to do. I had some great conversation with an adorable young mom. I spoke to Ari about Ireland. I also had lots of fun chats with some of the Australian friends and smokers on the roof. 

 

 

Yep that weekend wrapped like a perfect gift of Time.

A Good Mystery

Yesterday was a perfect day. I woke up early like a little girl too excited for what the day would bring to sleep a decent amount of hours. I came to the city and walked from Port Authority to Williamsburg to Angelhouse. My mission was to help Amber out and catch up. The sweltering sweaty humidity didn’t even slow me down; and with my bitter attitude lately that was saying a lot. Angel house was covered in wooden boxes for Amber’s “Good Mystery” CD project. AKA Arts & Crafts. There was recording going on so we worked and chatted intermitently. It’s amazing how she thinks of all the details to go into her project to case the CDs. I crazy glued, I stamped, and (to me the coolest part) I waxed and sealed loads of packages. We got to catch up, and I came to quite a few realizations over the course of the day. A number of things went… shall we say… not wrong, but not so smoothly. And even still by the time show-time hit, I was no less than happy as a ham.

• I kept burning my fingers and messing up with the wax bit.
• The train got stuck in the tube (meaning I had to take a different train all the way into Queens to transfer my way back to the city).
• The downpour.
• The heavy state of the 500 CDs in that crummy weather, and having to hail a cab with my eyebrows.
• I fell TWICE on the same step skinning my knee during soundcheck. 
• We were putting the boxes together last minute right up until the openers started their set.

The way I’ve been lately (namely this summer), even just one of these things would have pushed me over the edge of keeping it cool. But there’s something about Amber. There’s something about her sincerity that makes me happy to toil with her. It was like we were two mad little girls in a frenzy getting it done. And it was wonderful.

When Amber’s set started, I was immediately thrown into a warm cozy realm of good feeling. I kept seeing people I missed. So many smiles. So many hugs. So many glances. And then the music began, and it was like someone took my heart out of wherever it was hiding down in my stomach for quite a number of weeks, and cradled it with lullabies. I was SO peacefully happy. And proud. 

The way people received her last night, reminded me of the way I have seen her received in other places. New Hampshire, California, etc. But I had never realized that New York can be that audience. It was like a captivating magnetic field with calming electrical currents keeping the focus so dead-set on her every note. Amber has improved so much since I’ve met her. She works so hard, she truly loves what she is doing, she is humble, and she possesses an emotional sensibility which ties her to her audiences and fans in a way I have never witnessed before. It is awe some. Literally. Overwhelming. I wasn’t the only one who got emotional and teared up. The aura in the room the entire time was one of repect and admiration. 

Turns out the show was sold out! There was an Oboe Trio who had opened, and joined Amber for a song. It was amazing. Their sound reminds me of being at a ballet (though I haven’t ever been to one!) and Austin and I were mock ballet dancing behind the curtain backstage. Ha. During the main set, there was a precious moment where I heard a little voice saying “Auntie Amber! Auntie Amber!” And I turned to see Amber’s brother carrying little Jade, who was holding a bundle of flowers. Wow. 

I used to love repeating what one of the reviews said about Amber “that you will leave with a crush on her.” But after last night, I almost feel like she has outgrown that word. It is something so much deeper than a crush. It is a kindred spell. A breath of life. And truly spectacular. 

Alternatively, maybe whatever it is “that thing” shouldn’t even be expressed. Maybe it can’t really be expressed. It might just be a Mystery. Oh, but boy, is it a good one.

Un-Lost In Austin

I have booked a one way ticket to Austin, Texas for the second of September. I am going to get a ride with Margaret’s friends to Kerrville for the mini folk/wine festival. I will be volunteering on a Lovin’ Oven team to bake pizza for the hungry hippies. I AM ECSTATIC. The reason for the one way part of the itinerary is that I hope to make this a free passing adventure, with no specific plans; just being open to see where the road/people I meet take me. This has given me a rush, and jaded or not, with these plans intact, while I walked through the Lower East Side and over the Williamsburg Bridge yesterday morning, I was finally re-struck with my love for NYC. Phew. Now I can go in peace and know I will be back again. Whenever it seems right.

What a Day….What a Life

What a day to be alive.

What a day to stretch out and appreciate not being confined underneath the earth without air. 

What a day to feel. 

What a beautiful Day. In fact…

What a beautiful day to face death. To have to face death. 

What a day for him to be gone with the wind.

What a day to see my big sister look like a little dolly, with her long hair clasped prettily half up in a barret, reaching her small frame up to hug my little brother. Cloaked in grief. 

What a day to finally see a little glimpse of what a man my brother in law really is.

What a day to feel such tense air all around me. 

What a day to escort a van with a casket with a body without life down a sunny road. 

What a day to waive goodbye. 

What a day to realize how little we knew about his life while he was alive. 

What a day for a Salute to a Country Parade.

What a day for a 100th year celebration for a bridge.

What a day for unstoppable tears. 

What a day for one man’s ex-wife to cling to  his new widow, both crying over his new lifelessness. 

What a day to realize that if my father was her stepfather while our mother was married to him…Well then.

What a day to realize that I had a Stepdaddy. 

What a day to realize that. On the day he is not any longer. 

What a Day. What a Life.

Epic

These Little Photographs

…The previous few posts of writing are slightly incoherent, poetic ones. I seem to think that these little photographs taken on my blackberry during the adventure compliment those posts. It is a neat way to wrap up the slightly too artsy to some way of documenting what I’ve been doing. And now I can go on to proper story telling and quality photos…

Twisted & Twister

I don’t like thinking that everything happens for a reason. The neatly tied up box with a ribbon at the top form of life events is not something that makes a lot of cameos in my life. I asked one hundred times when the last night I could be here was, and I had a clean response of Saturday night. But then she decided to move the break the wall and take out the furniture day to 7 a.m. on Friday. 7 a.m. might have been forgivable somehow if I had not already nodded to houseguests. More people have air mattresses than I would have thought. And I lugged them in the monsoon downpours to the winery for them. (people are sometimes awesome- I’m starting to think these sort of people are what the word friend was intended for). 

The assholes decided to book hotel rooms instead. Rosi and I headed to a diner for an all american grilled cheese sandwich cut in triangles and all just like middle school. This was after she recorded in an all american superstar studio. ‘”I went down on him,” she said.’ and “Let’s go find some assholes.” were just two of the funny things she came up with that evening. 

See, assholes or not we both had anxiety at the same time for our boys in the sky. Our fears and mindsets are constantly colliding. It’s great stuff. 

So we went to find the boys in the west village for some drinks. Because no-one really is sober. And we got to laugh and try on different hats for a while. She kissed him and he kissed me and geometrical shapes are starting to encroach on our lives in the oddest forms.

Clear Channel

The weather refused to predict nothing but rain. However, the Billboard shoot took a few hours of sunshine. Literally and figuratively. I’m not just talking about the abundance of pizza and cupcakes. I am speaking of the absolute thrill I had watching the five cameras collaborating to shoot Rosi with the most beautiful direction. He was definitely insane and a mad scientist of sorts, but it was amazing to watch him at work and I understood what it was all about. The light, the shadows, the swooping, the timing with the music and the unexpected angles had me completely mesmerized. I practically skipped to work (an hour late) like a five year old little boy who had gotten to see the inside of a fire truck. And it turns out the producer was a lady named Chris and she tour managed a bunch of bands like The Strokes and I think even Bright Eyes, and I need to talk to her about it.

 

Once…Stars & Stipe…REM with very little Sleep

I can’t believe I gave him my clock in/clock out time stub instead of the piece of yellow notebook paper torn out with Max the Girl and my phone number scribbled on it. I realized so this morning when I found my own number in my pocket. Jeez. Of course. I always get it 3/4 percent. But he did say we had an instant attraction and that he wants to see me again…so after Jimmy Fallon today maybe he’ll show up. Because after all, our tidbits of drunken chatting were really intriguing and fun even amongst the drunk after party with all the Stars. And Stipe. Haha. I think I’m funny. Bess and Allie and Chris were there and it was so nice to have a bit of Home at Work. Ingrid thinks I’m tiny and I saved her jacket from the barrel room so maybe tonight she will remember me. Josh showed up for Rachel and it was awesome to see him but it was like a pleasant ghost from my past that I wish would become part of my friendly present. Who knows maybe with the teasing blasts of spring air, all those folks will come back into my life for another summer fling? But I’m happy to say I’m happy right now. I told Michael that it made moments like that worth bringing up the Baby. The winery is just 2.5 months old, and already kinks are being worked out, and he is getting thank you’d by the Lucky Ones. Mim & Jakey are married for 2 months. We shared orgasmic wine and chocolate and spoke to Frank about his roasted pumpkin seeds. I love them. They are family. Today I’m grateful for last night, I’m hanging on hungover with ten fingers and ten toes to all the faces and all the fun. And I hope four o clock a.m. shuteye didn’t close the book on the poor fellow left with my hostess hours.

Rufus

So I exchanged some words with Rufus Wainwright, tended to his boyfriend, and made sure David Byrne’s father and brother did not have to march downstairs to coat-check. And I refused their tips. 

But clearly that doesn’t matter. His show was awesome. Blackout Sabbath made the winery look like a spacious heaven full of candles and no electricity. Their sound made me feel like I was finally living some moments in the 60’s and 70’s where I’m fairly certain part of my soul is forever buried in time. At one point the stage caught fire but the lady with the voice that could resurrect a dying spirit just sang “fire, fire” with no freaking out and it was all ok.

What a day to be Alive

Most days I sit at some point during their 24 hour duration and kind of wished it were slightly later or something. Waiting for something to happen or hours to end. And now dear lord I wish everything can just stop and remain in slow motion forever. Adrenaline is only one part of the equation which has gotten us through this week of ecstasy. Who would have ever thought that watching the same sets of music over and over could provoke so much escalating pleasure. I think I could keep doing this for a really long time, and find pockets of secret goodness in each song and chord progression and harmony. And the Laughter. Today after eating at a chinese buffet place in the middle of Alabama we shared our fortunes from our cookies and I laughed so hard that an actual tear fell all the way down my face. What a group of people. What a group of friends. I have one fear right now. As the last hours and moments pass and slip through our fingers, what if this whole experience just remains in history like a really good dream?

I’d be Lying

You said I’m cute as a button…But.

There is an attitude behind it. I’m always smiling and my eyes and face catch attention because I am always so happy. And I’m always smiling and that is so rare. Thanks for noticing. Darling words and all, and you had me at the edge of my seat in that magical room in St. Louis, but I had forgotten that with the exposure of your inebriated genius also comes a double exposure of blurry choices and fickle feelings. I had also forgotten that after standing on a balcony with the stunning arch crowning over a low moon in the shape and size I love the most during the month…the night ends and the Stars fall or get clouded over by the day light and things kind of awaken in a rude way. So even though my bright colored sunglasses tricked me into seeing the world full of bright colors on my way to Nashville I knew there was a low. And in that bar I won the staring match because you saw the sadness in my eyes and looked the other way. But  unfortunately I have found myself tangled up in care for you.

The Curious Case of Amber’s Buttons

The way I see it is that there is a dark dark world. Dark as the darkest night, and it’s so cold there that the thought of being warm is incomprehensible. But in the midst of this frigidness, there is a beam of light, and twinkles of sound emanating from a single small house in downtown Boston. Music is being created in the basement, by a group of people who don’t even know each-other’s names or stories. I found peace there, with Amber and her friends. New Hampshire was one of those states which I had never thought about – it almost just got dissolved in my brain in the clump of states ‘up over there.’ But it is gorgeous. Londonberry is really Londonderry. But it is a blueberry, cranberry, and raspberry concoction; slightly tart, with a british accent. Love old, old houses. Love wine cellars. Love music. Love real people. Loved the Journey. 

Here’s to keep finding and fixing loose buttons. Or Life’s screws. And such. And more, and more, and more…

Combination and its Code

I long for those nights when it goes on and on and music spirals round and round. It’s not a jam it’s more of a cozy cloud of cotton candy where we can sit and lull in the moment, experiencing the dance of sound circling around us. It’s happened before and it must happen again. When time stands still and it doesn’t matter if the night turns into morning outside. Because the Combination of all the seconds and moments adds up to a perfect Now. So we basked and bask in it. The lucky ones have the Code to a secret language and they can communicate with each drop of talent; anywhere around the globe, in any living room, or on any stoop. These lucky ones are musicians. They have this Code. But someone snuck me a spare Key. My spirit is intertwined to the source of music; so though it’s usually spoken, it’s as if I can merely Sign. I hope they somehow comprehend this with their senses. And remain my guardian angels.

At a Crossroads

I definitely have to stop drinking so much.

 Things I want to do: (written with anxious gusto in Starbucks waiting to be picked up to go to the airport, hung over from the wedding, and totally stressed about making a decision about the job…and about to see my old, old grand-folks)

• I want to go with Amber on the road right after my birthday. I would go be paper raincoat’s merch girl for a while, and travel to many states and just live.
• In May, I want to go to the folk festival and experience Texas ranch life and be amongst tripped out happy musicians.
• I want to go on that horseback-riding trip that Mr. James did in June to bring the cattle up the mountain for the summer. Then I’d get to see Wyoming and breathe some fresh air.
• I want to be working for Ryan McGinley and I want to end up traveling this summer with Veronica for that….And then an Epiphany came:
• “Maybe I should be a teacher because then I have the summers off. I would get to work with children that would keep me young, and I would never have the same day. I would have to be high energy every day, and I would have to be attentive to all children and pretend I don’t have favorites.”

 Well, timing really is essential. Even when life and fate deliver what we’ve thought we wanted and strived toward with all energy and inklings possible. Ha. So after I was that aggressive person tracking down the CEO, and working odd jobs there at night to keep the contact… his assistant with the same last name as me gave him two weeks notice. Tables Turn. I had turned to him, now he turned to me. And yet, timing made it impossible for me to accept what should have been a dream job. I need time during my days to pursue other interests. I cannot be confined to one task to do multiples and multiples of tasks for one entity. These are the golden years. The ones where so much experience and so many opportunities can be grabbed and had if my time and attention is not completely enslaved to fill just one purpose. It is strong not to let opportunities slip between fingers, but it is even stronger to let them go by if it’s not right in the macro level. I would like to see myself as brave considering the economic situation and the fact that it is Him and that Place which I turned down.

 

Here is how it went…

“Mr. Blank,

 I have spent the past couple of days considering the position that we discussed, and while I do think it would be an incredible opportunity and experience, I have decided that it is not the right time for me to accept the job. Timing really is everything, and perhaps even in a few months it would be the perfect job for me, but I do think that at this particular moment in my life, during my transition from college, I need to slow down and figure out what the correct direction is for me to focus all my energy. If I were to work full time as your assistant at (edited for this): ‘the’ Winery, I would and should be basically making the winery ‘my life.’ I am not quite ready for such an hour and multitude-of-tasks intensive stride forward. You need someone right now who will jump right in and give it their all, and I need a little time to breathe.

 

 I want to make it perfectly clear that I am honored that you considered me for this position. I also want to reiterate that I do think that I would accept it without blinking if timing were not an issue. I certainly hope to continue working together with you and ‘the’ Winery; to whatever degree proves to be possible. I believe in the venture, I appreciate everything and everyone involved, and I look forward to seeing it prosper.

 

 Have you found any other prospects? I have someone in mind that I think would be perfect, if you are interested in hearing about him.

 

 Good luck finding the right person for the job,

 

 Thank you again, and see you soon,

 

 Max…”

 

 

           

Reply (not five minutes later!)

           

“THanks, I might have found someone.   I appreciate your instinct that the timing is not right.  THis is another sign that you have the goods.  We will do things together, and I think your making a wise decision.

 Warmly,

 

 Mr. Blank”

 

Wow. And just like that I had a weight lifted off my shoulders

A New Year

…life…

Puff & Sneak

It didn’t start or end with Jenga Block Playing in a Bar. That was just somewhere in the middle. This week has been hazy, in that warm, happy, time passing sort of way. I noticed his status on Facebook and decided to surprise him on Christmas day at the Mac store with a Tall nonfat extra salty salted caramel signature hot chocolate with whip cream and a shot of espresso…but I had to wait till he was finished,  and it turned into cold chocolate even tho I begged Starbucks to make it extra hot for him. Sentiment noted anyway me thinks. I got to see Po and the kiddies over the weekend, and I tried to like Bink but he seems so selfish to be the father of three. D&D had a party and I had to speak to my best friend’s ex. Who remains EX in all sense of the word. He’s just not the greatest egg. I was apprehensive about cat sitting, but I took a deep breath and a large sip of wine, and then Jack, and then I concocted a chocolate minty cocktail. The result  felt like a happy pill and has officially shelved my fear of cats. Amber and Tim came over, and I shared my ChocolateMintyCocktail and we watched Marry Poppins. I still remember every word. So I recited it under my breath, songs and all. Lazy day yesterday got to see old friends- the kind that I can go without speaking to and still are close as kin. Then I saw Amber again and we saw Folky Gypsy like singing by Mr. Shmidt at The Living Room, and then we went to play Jenga at the Bar with Brent and Co. So that’s where Jenga fell (no pun intended….possibly).  I’m using green tea and honey and my brain to fight my body’s attempt to have a Cold. I think it’s working. I’m in a happy cave…and my content state correlates perfectly into an alternative understanding of the names of the Kitties here. Sneak & Puff. Inhale & Exhale. Feel good….

That Day was a Wonderful Day

A perfect day might start in dread of regular routine that gets sweaty. It did in my case, and little did I know that after I pushed through running 7.5 miles I’d be running off the treadmill and into a perfect day.

It was frigid, don’t get me wrong. But the sun was shining so strong that we wondered how it can warm us from so far away, and pondered how scorching it must be up close. Vin & Max day did in fact happen. Brunch at one at a place called Egg in Williamsburg right off the L train. That neighborhood is love at first stroll, and I was utterly enamoured. The vintage sweaters and brunch spots and pretty people.

The tea hit the spot while we were waiting to be seated, with steam from the drink and our mouths mixing together to form dramatic poofs. The food was scrumptious, the conversation was splendid, and my mind and body purred with contentment. We walked into that wonderful store with all things Alice, things from households ages ago & past, and simply darling. Now the tiny brass pocketknife sits on a chain around my neck, and the Gingerbread Man stands upon a baking timer. I certainly will be back in that shop again.

I decided to walk across the bridge to get back home, despite your warnings of the cold. It was magical. Like seeing the city from an entirely different world. I was numb and frozen by the end, by my core was bursting with happiness and warmth. I felt so alive.

And then Rockwood was open with people and music and Scott, even though it was four. It was surreal and wonderful. So was the spicy drink. So was the fact that a bunch of children soon entered for a Rock School music show. Little Children starting their music journey on Saturday afternoon in Rockwood Music Hall. It was like a glimpse of the future. Precious.

So Scott sipped jasmine tea with me, and then I went to the French apartment. I entered with a culture shock, and it took a little while to warm up. But now I’ve got a born & raised in Champagne crush. And I can’t even pronounce his name. The scents and tastes were analyzed. Champagne, Rum, and Red Wine. I was happily tipsy and my nose was filled with wonderful aromas when I took my leave of the Gentlemen. For I was tired, and a Lady needs her beauty sleep, so he sent me off with two bottles of Red. To remember him by?

Perfect Day. Perfect Night. I pray I pray with all my might, that this goes forth similarly into the week.

Unfinished Art

“It just takes some getting used to, it just takes some getting used to…it’s all, it’s all…It’s not the changes but the spaces in between… it’s not the story, but the cuts between the scenes…it’s the part where your eyes get in focus a minute just before you notice, the images align naturally…”

Life is so cyclical.

It’s almost comical because you’d think we’d all learn after being tossed around the roller coaster once or twice or even five times. But still we get all shocked when it happens yet again. When we get up all dizzy from something we go through and can’t believe we didn’t see it coming. Even that feeling when I realize it’s already black Friday again. And the Christmas trees are back on the curb, for sale. And my face gets slapped because I’m just too sweet. How much time has to pass before we are fully adjusted to the Light even when it’s really Dark?

‘Tis the same amount of time till that pretty image comes clear and aligned and all the fogginess that makes me sick to my stomach dissipates and I feel happy again. Because that energy invested in a ring around a not so rosy journey is restored and I’m back to Me. Happily me. In between Scenes, cut yet restored, floating thankfully in Space, waiting for the next Change.

Designated Friend

I’m your personal friend, your designated voice of reason when you find yourself so lost in all the frenzies of the incline. From the lovely jukebox and coloring on the table-clothes to the divine group in an upscale diner to the dark room full of dancing people leaving their worries behind with a couple of sensational hours making love to music with movements of their bodies intermingled with others. There is such a rush of excitement and I’m pleasantly surprised by the fascination it brings to me. I’m not a pessimist, I just fear for hearts and protect the ones I love in any way I can. So with the rush of this lifestyle must come some withdrawal, some uncertainty, and some fear that something within grasp can slip away. I remember feeling these feelings when I was madly in love with musicians, and spent some of the most incredible nights of my life in sheer bliss, only to wake up to the rebound. I see it in all of them, even the ones I’ve just seen in photographs. The worry that their day will end and the dream they are living will just dissolve and morph itself into the dream of someone else. Life is short, but it is real, and it is beautiful. I want to help you see that every day. I want you to enjoy the talent and the journey. I want you to revel in all the glory that you deserve. But with all of that I want your core essence to remain. So on those days when you need yourself we will find that inner peace. And bring you back to Center.

Gone

They’re gone. They’ve moved on.

Music @ the Museum

She reminds me of a storybook character like Belle from Beauty and the Beast who popped out of the pages and came to sit here in this day and age and start singing whimsical songs. Her voice dances through all sorts of ranges like the most animated waltz, and her whole set is endearing like a performance of a child.

Shwa is a candid and hilarious human being. His songs are simply put, but some of the most cynical, blunt, and insightful creations I have ever heard. They are thoughts which I would think and usually not express unless I was sure the person I was speaking with was capable of going for that ride. His voice is intriguing like the guy who sings that song in Cruel Intentions, it’s intense and beautiful. And then if you’d cross that with the personality of a song like Puff the Magic Dragon you’d have an idea of what Shwa brings to the room. He’s lovely. 

Shadows

How much of art and music is actually just a mimicking act of other’s styles? Artists all chase after their own streak and try to harvest differentiation to bring to the table and to the ears and eyes of the whole world. But really the very fact that we’re so exposed to art and artist’s work all around us every day means that we’re not completely original. Elements will automatically infiltrate our consciousness and soil some of the creativity. The same goes for personalities. Being aware of oneself, ones strengths and weaknesses, and how different one is from is from other can just be a tainted perception. Every single one of those girls in my opinion were so drop dead beautiful that I felt every insecurity about my body flooding to the center stage of my mind. But now I know they all felt the same about me and about each-other. When will we get over the fact that others are blind to our imperfections, and that it is ok if we’re different and don’t fit entirely ‘in?’ Because really no-one does. Everyone has bits of originality. But at the end of the day we’re all just in this race called Human. Our chord progression might be a variation. But at the end of the day it’s all the same chords, and probably even the same genre. Every one is different. Yet at the same time everyone is just the same. 

Technicolor

Rockwood during the day, is just another world. Sun streaming through the windows in place of the dark scenes peeking through the red velvet curtains is a wonderful change. A birthday party on a lazy Sunday afternoon is just what the doctor would have ordered for this case- I’m certain. The family our crew of musicians has become is quite charming and I couldn’t help feeling totally happy hanging out and listening to the tribute to her which the musicians all created by singing her favorites of each of their tunes. So though everything is so very uncertain right now in a macro prospective, those moments spent with the very best people I’ve known was extremely endearing. And apparently I ‘flared’ J by thinking of him and buying that pin. And apparently some other chick shares my passion for suspenders, for she was wearing them with little shorts and I was all impressed and wishin’ I had them on too. But at least Beauty rustled my hair and the evening was so lovely. And really it was lovely, because the only vibes in that room were ones of peace and love. So those gaps, which can make things so unpleasant, are slowly getting filled, by things falling into place…

I think I’ll go to Boston…

At Harvard Square you can almost think you’re in the beautiful bits of NYC; but it’s as if it’s a sample dose of it. There are not twenty people playing live music for pennies in the vicinity- there are two. And they are playing “Wagon Wheel” together and that’s my favorite song, so I have no trouble skipping to the beat and singing along, and even giving them some money for it. The streets are also not lined completely with homeless or random beggars- there is one youngster dressed in black sitting rather contently on the side of the road with a cup singing, “I can get really annoying- shut me up, I can get really annoying shut me up…” to the tune of “she’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes.” (What is it with people and singing random songs to that tune in every state??!- see an earlier post of mine for explanation).

Oh and Christopher Columbus Park was truly breathtaking…

Dangerous Beauty

I want to be the Keys and Strings* to Passion, Seduction, Betrayal, & A Scandalous Love Story.

With a glass of red next to me. That way I won’t have to get involved, and my emotions are not in danger, but at least I can play a part in all the drama. I would have an intimate role in Love without getting hurt by it.

Sounds just about right.  Maybe.

*read: piano & violin

Enchantment Passing Through…

I am sometimes like a toy.
I’m fun to play with and I like to play.
And I like to take walks in the park on nice days.
Whatever hatred for Brooklyn I might have had growing up due to The Family’s influence, was officially dissipated this morning for good.
Park Slope is stunning on sunny days.
I walked around for ages after the games were over and I pretended to sleep and pretended to wake up.
So it was a lazy, tired sort of morning walk.

Brooklyn is like a reality balancing on a tightrope. I say this because it is virtually in the city, and has all the conveniences of one. Yet it also has this beautiful nature part of it. So I phoned Mum and told her this, and she agreed. So I guess she doesn’t hate it as adamantly as I recall. Funny how perceptions by a little girl can be so dramatized.

Pete & J in all their Mondays in May glory keep escelating their performances, and I sat there with a smile plastered on my face and my eyes glued to the stage for their entire set. Enchanted little girl I (still) am.

I certainly had no intention of falling asleep mid-day and oversleeping for naptime, but I did. And then I walked with Chloe to pick up her skates and listen to her tales of getting blood tests. Those stories were like repeating my own experiences with blood work. I can totally relate. We certainly are kindred spirits.

And then I came upon a sidewalk block suddenly, and asked the well-dressed doorman with an earbud in his ear, looking all important, if it was closed. His response was “It’s actually an obstacle course, it’s a contribution to fitness,” and after the second or two I needed to digest the statement (because of my gullibility)…

I thought him humorously clever.

Just one Drink

Just one mojito makes me borderline drunk now.

I know they say that the more you drink, the higher your tolerance get, but that is just

Lies.

I met with the dean on Tuesday, and it looks like I will be graduating in January after all. Weird. Kinda scary.

So after that I decided to use my last day off to walk around the city, as usual. I knew I wanted to get to the Red Lion by 10. So I had loads of time. I walked through union square, and then to Bleecker. I temporarily contemplated getting wine at The Room where I had gone with Johnny, and he even kindly texted me the exact location, which had slipped my mind. But then I decided to go with someplace new. So I went to a little place which advertises itself on the awning as a wine bar.

More lies.

I mean they did have some wine, but most only by the bottle. If one glass gets me tipsy, I certainly wasn’t going to get a bottle. So I went with the mojito.

The girl sitting at the bar next to me was being all coy and smiley. I took out my paper to write down ideas for my senior thesis. Which, by the way is ridiculous since there is so much other work that needs to get done, and senior thesis really is for next semester. (one might also point out that writing a paper at the bar is an interesting alternative to the library, but anyway…)

The girl behind the bar looked like a very young version of Wynona Ryder. She was also smiley and coy, and I started to wonder whether everyone in the place new something I didn’t. Then the girl beside me took out a book/journal sort of thing, wrote a bit, and went for a cigarette break. Wynona came over and asked if I knew her. I said no. She said it looked like I did because we were friendly. Ok. So then of course I started a whole conversation with Wynona, whose name is actually Nino. She loves music too, and also lives ridiculously far uptown like me. If she hadn’t had to work until 2, she would have come to Red Lion. Oh well.

So cigarette break ended, and the girl is from Switzerland. She is moving to New York to live with her Swiss boyfriend who moved to New York a while ago. Her name is Caroline, and she was great bar company for conversation (and something of English language lessons as well) while she waited for her man to come back from work. (a bank, obv.) It’s funny cuz he did show up eventually, and he sounds remarkably a lot like Shrek. Turns out he learned English from someone who lives in the very far north of England. (Where accents get all convoluted and can sound somewhat Scottish). So it was all fun, and I made three friends. We exchanged info, and I will start telling them about the music I see.

Pete & J were amazing as usual. I was sitting with Matt at the bar for most of the time, and it was driving me nuts to try and watch the show through the mirror, and finally by “This is It” I convinced him to come stand. During their break I said hello, and caught some words with MJ. You know when you blank out entirely about someone’s name even though you know them so well? Well I did that to J when I was referring to Matt, and instead of making it obvious that I blanked, I stumbled for sound and called him Mike, which is utterly ridiculous. And then to make up for it I said “oh… I mean Matt, see…he has a brother Mike.” (which again makes no sense in any sort of context). And now J thinks I slept with Matt’s brother. O dear.

 I met a guy named Adam who actually drums for Ian (start humming ‘It’s a small world after all’ here…) and he had just been to Feist and gave me a heads up that it will be an awesome show. He gave me a ride to the train which was lovely, only I quickly found out that the trains weren’t running.

So I power walked.

 

FEISTy

“More than a fun status, it’s actually a really corny pun” (my status for the day)

To be honest, I was not so excited for her show.

Jesse, Mim and I met at Chipotle and waited in a very long line for people to wrap some dough around rice, beans, and salad. After feeding their bodies, and we went outside and across the street to yet another, much longer line. This line was to get into Hammerstein Ballroom, and we had enough time to catch up on the walk in the long line to the door.

We got seats even though it was kinda far away. The opening act was a single man called Hayden who got up with a single guitar. Dun Dun Dun. No kidding he made a little speech before he started saying that the night before people spoke his whole set and he couldn’t even hear himself play. Ok. A) don’t announce to your audience that people actually spoke your whole set- that just shows that your music leaves something to be desired. B) you, as an artist, selling your art have no right to tell people not to speak. If you’re good enough, they will listen.

First impression: Stated by Jesse- “Whiny little bitch.”

But to be honest, I think he had a beautiful voice. His songs are strange- there was one which he said was a love song about a bear attack. This takes the whole artsy thing a bit far. Another song was about his cat. Charming. He had one incredible song in which he sang and played the piano to (which is automatically something which makes me love you)…called “More than Alive.” Other than that the set started to drag, so although he has a nice voice- a cross between David Grey and Chris Martin- it does get a bit long after some time. So Mim & Jesse were speaking about going to a Crosby, Stills, and Nash show with their friend who found out her Grandma passed away while they were in middle of the show. Apparently it was expected, but still it’s gotta be awkward to handle that sort of situation. They (being the darlings which they are) offered her a hit. (see why I love them so?!)

We waited and waited for Feist. I saw Hayden standing pretty near by in the balcony which clearly tickled the part of me which neeeeeds to meet every musician I come across. So I did go over and introduce myself.

Here is what I want to say about Feist: She is an angel. Her voice is like tranquility entreating to the heavens. And along the way it conjures up a marching band with all the glory of musical instruments in front of a curtain of shadows and grace. It was a hauntingly beautiful and mesmerizing show. I noted that there were many couples at the show. And it didn’t look like it was the guys doing their girls a favor by treating them to music they’d never want to be caught seeing if she weren’t there. It was obvious that Feist has a following of lovers. Perhaps this is because her enchanted songs and voice touch the enchanted. When listening to her sing, and watching the show of lights, shadows, and graceful movements being projected, it’s impossible not to wish she can sing you to sleep every night.

I’m totally thrilled.
And I gotta say- Mim has amazing taste and great intuition for what will be a good time. I notice it time and time again….